Southern Stuff

dd

I haven't jerked Dice's chain in a bit, so I thought I'd post this that someone sent to me. Only Dice can tell us how much of it is true!<br />
<img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/diablo.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':diablo:' /> <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/diablo.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':diablo:' /> <br />
<br />
> SOUTHERNISMS:<br />
><br />
> Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.<br />
><br />
> She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.<br />
><br />
> She's so stuck up she'd drown in a rainstorm.<br />
><br />
> It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.<br />
><br />
> My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull.<br />
><br />
> He's as country as cornflakes.<br />
><br />
> This is gooder'n grits.<br />
><br />
> If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy<br />
> it.<br />
><br />
> I'm 'bout as........ Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of<br />
> rocking chairs.<br />
><br />
><br />
><br />
> Busy as a moth in a mitten.<br />
><br />
><br />
><br />
> Happy as a clam at high tide.<br />
><br />
> Advice for Northerners moving to the South: Save all manner of bacon<br />
> grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.<br />
><br />
> Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners<br />
> can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.<br />
><br />
> If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab > of<br />
> a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be<br />
> along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. > This<br />
> is what they live for.<br />
><br />
> You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know > the<br />
> positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to<br />
> find it yourself.<br />
><br />
> Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is > plural<br />
> possessive.<br />
><br />
> Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"<br />
><br />
> Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't > understand<br />
> you either.<br />
><br />
> The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted > Northerner's<br />
> vocabulary is the adjective "big ol' ," as in "Big ol' truck," or "big<br />
> ol' boy." "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and<br />
> "Y'all" is 3rd.<br />
><br />
> As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly<br />
> in the middle of the road, remember:! ALL Southern folks learned to<br />
> drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position<br />
> for that vehicle.<br />
><br />
> If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" get out of<br />
> his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse<br />
> still, that you will ever hear.<br />
><br />
> Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In<br />
> fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license<br />
> plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car<br />
> was purchased.<br />
><br />
> If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let > alone<br />
> eating.<br />
><br />
> If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most<br />
> minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local<br />
> grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store.<br />
> It is just something you're supposed to do.<br />
><br />
> Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one,<br />
> it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical,<br />
> bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house > and<br />
> should, therefore, be prominently displayed.<br />
><br />
> One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be<br />
> advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid defense."<br />
><br />
> Good friends are like stars....sometimes we don't see them but we know<br />
> they are always there.<br />
>

Big Grit

Dice would of probably replied to this, but I expect he's to overcome with emotion from the memories this post would have brought back to him that he's just sitting at his keyboard with tears running down his face.Big Grit

Pair-A-Dice

To All Yall,<br />
You know that alot of things on that list are true. However, after moving North I have found that some of those things "you guys" brought down South during the "War of Northern Aggression!"<br />
<br />
I have several lists of items including:<br />
-How to avoid a SAW! (Southern A_ _ Whopin')<br />
-40 Things only a Southerner Knows<br />
-A Southerner move North<br />
-Bluenecks!<br />
-Wisconsin version of "Survivor"<br />
<br />
These have some lanuage that cannot be published here, but I will send copies if you would like to read them.<br />
<br />
And by the way, Mississippi is called the Magnolia (that's a tree if some of yall don't know) State. If you got some TIME, I'll show you what we use for fertilizer when we plant one! (Hint:if you are a Yankee, you might be under that tree for a long time!)<br />
<br />
The s-l-o-o-o-w talking, never had a "yeller" streak down my back, take time to enjoy life, d_ _ _ Southerner,<br />
Pair-A-Dice

dd

I sure would like those lists. <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/diablo.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':diablo:' /> <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/diablo.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':diablo:' />

Devereaux

Wouldn't minid seeing those myself.

Big Grit

Include me for a copy. Grit

Saguaro Kid

Me three.<br />
<br />
SK

Big Shooter Mike

Me fourth.

Tex Hewitt

All Y'all can include me two's<br />
<br />
But first, hold my beer and watch THIS! <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/diablo.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':diablo:' /> <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bomb.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='=@' /> <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':w00t:' />

dd

Dice sent me his "Southern Stuff", you can down load it here.<br />
<br />

Pair-A-Dice

Denny,<br />
After reading over your list, it must have been a Yankee that wrote those. They had the idea right, they just did not kown how to say it!<br />
<br />
I noticed this has gotten 140 hits. Maybe I should start those "Confederate English" lessons again, there seems to be alot of interest. Maybe it is because Tequila is comming and they are trying to learn how to understand him as well!<br />
<br />
Bye Biscuit!<br />
<br />
Dice

jeweler jim

Well Doc, Now you've gone and done it!<br />
<br />
Picking on Dice when he not feeling well and temporally out of comission. And telling Wyatt that you'll help him with me. Do you really think you can fight a two front war? Can't wait for Dice's responce. BAD Move, Baaad Move!

Longtooth

Doc,<br />
<br />
Don't go pick'n on Texans. You know the saying (DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!!! ) Remember what happened when the Mexicans started! Remember the Alamo!!!!!!! <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/usabig.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':usabig:' /> <img src='http://www.goodguysposse.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/usabig.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':usabig:' />

Pair-A-Dice

Dev,<br />
I know they left this part out of the Yankee history books. WE will never admit defeat or surrender. We have started to conquer from within the ranks by taking Yankee jobs and teaching yall to talk like we do. How many times have you said "yall" or "yeller" lately?<br />
<br />
These are just ways to sneak up on "you guys", (even if some of you are girls).<br />
<br />
We just quit fighting and started an internal take over. We have improved the gene pool up here. Just a couple off the top of my head...<br />
they have hired a lady from Hattiesburg, MS as the top administrator for UW Whitewater and a man from Mississippi as the superintendent of education for the Madison school district. Just think, we are now in charge of "you guys" educational system!<br />
<br />
Now let's see....I teach firearm safety up here....I could teach you to.....shoot yourself in the foot......or....maybe.....well, I'm sure you get the idea, yall learn so fast up here!<br />
<br />
Remember, up here Heinz (think John Kerry's wife) Ketchup is a spice!<br />
<br />
Just kidding! ......or was I?<br />
<br />
As for Texas, they talk enough like us that we understand each other, and between the two of us we will have all "you guys" confused. Remember all them Rebs went to Texas after the War of Northern Aggression to get away from all yall.<br />
<br />
And as Tooth said, "Don't Mess with Texas!" "Remember the Alamo!"<br />
Do you remember how many Southerners Davy Crockett took to the Alamo?<br />
<br />
As a final note to laugh at; you did not shoot at Beloit. My brother came up from Kansas City and shot the match. I kind of introduced him during my safety speech and someone in the crowd said "Look out, we got you surronded!" My reply was "We're used to that!" and I asked my brother; "60 against 2, I think we have them out numbered!"<br />
<br />
Dice